Happy mama

Something I've realized with Miriam's arrival is that having a newborn and NOT having postpartum depression is so different! (Some of you might remember that I experienced PPD with Nikolai--read more about my thoughts about it here

I was really bracing myself this time around to not feel well again, and to be honest, there were some moments in the first few weeks where I thought perhaps I was going to have PPD again. At almost 6 weeks postpartum, I can comfortably say that, for now at least (PPD can have a late onset sometimes) I am feeling well.

And man, having a newborn and feeling good is so different!

There have been so many times over the last few weeks when I've reveled in Miriam's smallness and cuteness and perfection, and I've turned to Jesse to ask, "Was Nikolai this small/cute/perfect?"

Because frequently I was too sad/sick/depressed with Nikolai to notice those things.

(By the way, the answer is always yes, Niko was that cute too!)

To be honest, I'm trying to enjoy Miriam's smallness for both her and for Nikolai--to sort of retrospectively enjoy how little and perfect Nikolai was now, now that I'm in a better place emotionally and hormonally.

I also want to note that I think having Nikolai around is a big factor in me feeling better this time around, for several reasons.

1) He's proof that I've done this once before, and can do it again! 

2) He's also proof that the hard not-sleeping phase won't last forever ;)

3) He gives me someone to talk to during the day! (Ok, sometimes that talking is arguing over how much tv I'll let him watch, but it's more conversation than we had when he was a tiny baby! ;D)

4) My day with a toddler and a baby is so much more interesting and purposeful than when it was just me and a tiny person at home every day. When he was tiny, my whole day was consumed with taking care of his tiny bodily needs--now, our day consists of so much more, including (but not limited to)  going to the library for story time, reading books, playing outside and seeing friends. 

In short, Nikolai makes life better. Thanks, Niko! 


Anna said…
I know, I know, I know! Same here! I'm so glad for you, that you get to experience it this way, and to be able to appreciate being able to love your new baby in a way that most people take for granted is very special.
Kylie said…
Amen!! The second time around was like 5,000% better for me too, even without PPD once, so I can only imagine...I'm glad you're loving this phase of life! Good luck with the sleeping thing. :)
Maren said…
I'm sorry you had that experience with Nikolai but glad you're having a better experience this time. I didn't have PPD but I have long looked forward to having a better experience with baby 2. R was a nightmare baby for the first 5 or 6 weeks and I feel so much more prepared and ready to take it on this time. And thanks for reminding me of the joy of older siblings; it's easy to get bogged down worrying about how hard it could be!
julis said…
Miri Dearie is precious! I'm so glad for the pictures (stop me if I say that every time) (don't stop me). I think you are doing a great job! Your little home and family all show the benefit of your sweet touch. It's fabulous that you can enjoy it all this time.

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