Happy mama

Something I've realized with Miriam's arrival is that having a newborn and NOT having postpartum depression is so different! (Some of you might remember that I experienced PPD with Nikolai--read more about my thoughts about it here) 

I was really bracing myself this time around to not feel well again, and to be honest, there were some moments in the first few weeks where I thought perhaps I was going to have PPD again. At almost 6 weeks postpartum, I can comfortably say that, for now at least (PPD can have a late onset sometimes) I am feeling well.

And man, having a newborn and feeling good is so different!

There have been so many times over the last few weeks when I've reveled in Miriam's smallness and cuteness and perfection, and I've turned to Jesse to ask, "Was Nikolai this small/cute/perfect?"

Because frequently I was too sad/sick/depressed with Nikolai to notice those things.

(By the way, the answer is always yes, Niko was that cute too!)

To be honest, I'm trying to enjoy Miriam's smallness for both her and for Nikolai--to sort of retrospectively enjoy how little and perfect Nikolai was now, now that I'm in a better place emotionally and hormonally.

I also want to note that I think having Nikolai around is a big factor in me feeling better this time around, for several reasons.

1) He's proof that I've done this once before, and can do it again! 

2) He's also proof that the hard not-sleeping phase won't last forever ;)

3) He gives me someone to talk to during the day! (Ok, sometimes that talking is arguing over how much tv I'll let him watch, but it's more conversation than we had when he was a tiny baby! ;D)

4) My day with a toddler and a baby is so much more interesting and purposeful than when it was just me and a tiny person at home every day. When he was tiny, my whole day was consumed with taking care of his tiny bodily needs--now, our day consists of so much more, including (but not limited to)  going to the library for story time, reading books, playing outside and seeing friends. 

In short, Nikolai makes life better. Thanks, Niko!