I never loved nobody fully, always one foot on the ground

For years, I've loved the song On the Radio, from Regina Spektor's Album, Begin to Hope. It's almost a nonsensical song, because each line relates to the line immediately preceding it and following it but there isnt any overarching theme until the middle of the song, or so. For example, it starts off like this:

"This is how it works
It feels a little worse
Than when we drove our hearse
Right through that screaming crowd
While laughing up a storm
Until we were just bone
Until it got so warm
That none of us could sleep
And all the styrofoam
Began to melt away
We tried to find some worms
To aid in the decay"

Kinda funny, huh?   Anyways, I love it.

My second favorite part of the song is this:

"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath"

It's all just so straightforward.  This is how it is, she says.  You're
young, then you get old, and you're not young anymore.  You love
someone, until you don't love them anymore. You try things, until
you can't try them anymore.  Life is crying, and laughing, and
laughing while you cry and crying while you laugh.  Everyone
breathes, a thousand times every day, every night, every day,
every night, until they draw just one more breathe and this life is
over for them.  These things are life: aging, loving, trying, crying,
laughing, breathing.


But my favorite part of the song, part that I've recently been
thinking a lot about, is this:

"No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some-
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"


Let's break it down some more.  

"No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took."

I've recently realized that before I can do almost anything, I have
to love myself.  That's what this is saying.  This is essential to living.
Look inside yourself, find the things you like about yourself, and
try to love those things.  Moving on to the next part, which is
integrally related to this thought:

"And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some-
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood"

The only way you can really love someone else is by loving yourself
first.  You take that love, that you discovered you had for yourself,
and then you put it into someone else.  Your love, that was for
yourself, becomes love for the other person, because you are whole
enough to give it to them without losing yourself in the process.
And the awesome part: that love goes straight into the other
person's heart, pumping their blood.  One's heart is really
interesting--it pumps your blood, pushing it to every part of your
body.  All of your actions and thoughts are possible because your
heart just keeps chugging along, pumping your blood.  It's an
interesting metaphor, that someone else's love goes straight into
your heart, pumping your blood, essentially drivingyour thoughts
and actions.

And the last part:

"And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"

You walk together, side by side, partners, hoping and praying that
the choices that have brought you to this place will have been good
ones, trusting that the other person will take care of your heart, but
knowing that if it happens, like it has happened before, you'll do it
all over again anyways.  That's love.  Trusting, hoping, when it's
completely irrational.  But knowing that if it ends, there will be
another beginning, with someone else, somewhere else, some
other time. That trust and faith and hope is the only thing that
makes love possible.


I really love this song.  I love how beautiful and deep it is, how
you can delve into it and discover personal meaning in it, but
also how it is just a beautiful song, and it can be enjoyed on
that surface, pretty, fun layer too.  Kudos to you, Regina Spektor.
Major kudos to you.

peace, love, deep music,
Catherine