This is the writing of the whiner's bio

It's fairly common knowledge that I work at the Jamba Juice on campus. It's a pretty good job, fun, not too complicated, and I work with really fun people. A lot of these plusses (that's an odd word to pluralize, btw), however, are nearly negated when spring and summer term rolls around. Want to know why? Well, I will tell you. EFY KIDS AND SPORTS CAMPS.

They're all probably great kids, dont get me wrong. Children of God, all that. But DANG IT, they're annoying when attempting to order a Jamba! So, although none of them will ever read this, here is a step by step list of how to correctly order and receive a Jamba, and some pitfalls to carefully avoid.

Step One: READ THE MENU, READ THE MENU, READ THE MENU

I cannot stress this enough.

We have a menu. It is on the wall. There are clearly labeled sections, "Toppers," "Jamba Light," "All Fruit" "Blended with a purpose" and "Classics."

Each section has a list of cleverly titled smoothies under it, each smoothie followed by a list of ingredients.

For beginners, the Classics menu is a great place to start. They are our classics for a reason. Look at the ingredients. Find one that has a combinations of fruits that you think you would enjoy. Pick that drink! It's not that hard.


WARNING: DO NOT stand in line for 20 minutes only to get to the register and ask "What's good?"

ITS ALL GOOD. WE WOULDNT PUT IT ON THE MENU IF IT WASNT GOOD.

WARNING: DO NOT: Come up to the register and tell me you would like a "strawberry-banana smoothie." This only shows that you clearly didn't even glance at the menu. If you had, you would have seen at least one of two things. One: Under "Classics" (hard to miss, let me tell you) we have the Strawberries Wild. Under that, it clearly lists the ingredients, "Apple-Strawberry Juice, Strawberries, Bananas, Frozen Yogurt." That's pretty clearly a strawberry banana smoothie, guys. If that isnt clear enough, then you SHOULD have been able to catch a glimpse of the Strawberry Whirl. "Apple-Strawberry Juice, Strawberries, Bananas." It doesnt get any more "Strawberry-Banana Smoothie" than that. Seriously. READ THE MENU.

WARNING: Realize what you're ordering. Here is a lovely little story of something that happened to us the other day. [For the record, this customer was probably in her 30s. Not an efy participant].

Customer: So, is the Acai topper a smoothie?

Mike [employee at the register]: yeah.

note: the "toppers" section of the menu is the breakfast section, so it has four smoothies, each with their ingredients listed under them. It doesnt say under each smoothie that they have granola and bananas on them, BECAUSE at the top of the Toppers section, it says CLEARLY that each topper comes TOPPED with granola and sliced bananas. HENCE the name, "acai topper."

Customer: ok....can I have the middle one, in two smaller cups?

Mike: sure! [completes transaction]

....later.....

Molly [employee pouring and calling out smoothies]: Customer, acai topper!

Customer: [upon arriving at the counter and seeing the two cups of acai topper that she ordered]...ohh....oh I didnt want granola on it. I didnt know it came with that on it. He said it was a smoothie, so I though it wouldnt have anything on it....can you just like scrape that off?

Molly: oh yeah sure [she's a good sport, and proceeded to scrape off all the granola and make a little more smoothie so it would fit in the cups a little fuller].

Customer: ok, thanks so much, sorry about that.



The moral of this story: READ THE MENU.

Step Two: Pick a size

At Jamba juice, we have 3 convenient sizes. They are sixteen, original (or 24) and power (or 32). At the top of each section of the menu board, it lists the the sizes and the prices for each size of that type of smoothie (classics are the cheapest, all fruits are a little more expensive, etc). We also have a display on the counter of how big the cups are and what they are called. Its fairly obvious that if you do any sort of reading of the menu board, you should be able to see that we have three sizes at varying costs.

So this is what shouldn't happen.

Customer: How much is a small?

Me: It depends on what you get. The prices vary by the type of smoothie.

Customer: Uh....[randomly looks at the first smoothie they see]...how about a strawberries wild?

Me: A sixteen strawberries wild is $3.55, including tax.

Customer: Uh....how about the uh....the medium one?

Me: The ORIGINAL? That one is $4.41, including tax.

Customer: Uh......ok. [Stands there thinking for awhile, despite the fact that they have been standing in line for TWENTY MINUTES ALREADY.] Uhh....how about....lets get uh.....lets get a big one-

Me: The original or the power [they're both "big"]?

Customer: Uhm...the middle one [they mean original. they just cant read]. And lets get....a Razzmatazz.



This shouldn't happen. Unless you forgot your glasses, and can't see the menu. That's happened before, and I completely understand. But laziness is not allowed.

Moving on.

Step Three: STOP TALKING TO YOUR FRIEND AND LISTEN CAREFULLY

After the customer FINALLY orders, I ask them "And what name can we call when it's ready?"

Here are the responses I usually get to this question:

"Yeah, ok." [clearly not listening to what I am saying, and therefore doesnt know how to respond]

"wait, what, how much?" [again, wasnt listening, and so thought I was telling them how much they owe]

"uh....." [just couldnt manage to remember the name that people have been calling them for ~15 years....]

None of these are your name. If you've been paying any sort of attention in line, you should have noticed that the person pouring the smoothies has been calling out names. So, in theory, someone will probably ask you your name so that they can call it. So it shouldnt be a surprise when I ask you!!!

My favorite customers (during efy at least) are the ones that get to the register, tell me that they want a 16 Orange Appeal and that their name is Stefanie. I don't have to try and get their attention, or wait for them to decide what they want, they just give it all to me. It's great :)

Step Four: Order, then LISTEN.

I like pouring smoothies. It's kinda fun. What isn't so much fun is having scream "MAN EATER, Strawberries Wild! MAN EATER!" at the TOP of my lungs [to be heard over all the rambunctious efy-ers] over and over and OVER because you and your little friends are a) talking too much to hear me SCREAMING and b) have already forgotten the stupid name you told the cashier to call when it was ready. Really. I just feel silly after about the third time. So listen up, kay?



A little clarification: I don't mind when customers make complicated orders. It's actually a nice way to mix up the tedium of cashiering when people make interesting substitutions and such.


It's mostly just mindless, selfish, ignorant consumerism that bothers me.


peace, love, they're all children of God they're all children of God they're all children of God......
Catherine