NaNoWriMo: I did it!

I finished National Novel Writing Month--and right on schedule! This is the page I was greeted with when I submitted my 50,000+ word story:

And here's my lovely stats page, complete with little purple "winner" bar:


But I'm actually not finished with the story--I've got the end of the story to write out yet, so I'll keep working on that the next few weeks, albeit it at a less break-neck pace (the house has to get tidied sometime after all!).  When I'm done with that, I'll take a little break and then go back and read the whole thing (something I haven't done at all yet) and see if I hate it or if it's worth editing. I do have a lot of anxiety that my characters are flat and uninteresting and that the whole story is boring, but I'm laying all that aside until I finish it.  Either way, I am really proud and astonished that I even had 50,000 words in me to write, and that I did it in 30 days! 

On a more serious note, I'm a person that often has a hard time believing in myself, or worrying that there are things I might not capable of.  But I'm beginning to realize that doing things like this, and running a half marathon, like I did last year--definitively hard things--helps me realize that I am a person that can do hard things. A lot of times I look at my life and try to total it all up, but I always have these qualifiers: I'm a college grad (but I didn't work after college), I'm a stay at home mom (but having a toddler is really hard for me and sometimes staying at home makes me bonkers), I'm an etsy store owner (but I just do little silly stuff and don't earn much), etc--and sometimes the list feels lacking.  I love my life, I do--but it doesn't always seem AMAZING, or special, and sometimes I worry that means I'm not a special person. 

But regardless of whether those little qualifiers matter (when I'm feeling optimistic I know they don't), doing hard things reminds me that I am a capable person.  I might not know what I want to do with 100% of my life, but I'll figure it out eventually, because I am strong and I can do difficult things, like running 13.1 miles and writing 50,000 words in a month. 

So while I may not end up liking the novel I wrote this month (and it very well may never see the light of day), it was a good experience for me all the same, and I'm glad I did it. 


Anna said…
Well, the peanut gallery sure thinks you're amazing!
julis said…
You are so impressive! Both the half marathon and the nano are things on my to-do list, and you have already done them at half my age! Woo hoo for you! Also, (and I hate to say it because it makes me sound like an old lady but it's true so if I say it to you now when you realize it's true you will remember I told you) : there is a time and a season for everything, and your time right now is to take care of Jesse and Niko the best you can. It feels excruciatingly long right now, but it is only a tiny spot of your life. You have so much time ahead of you! You are doing amazing things, and will continue to be amazing in different ways as time rolls on.
ivrcti said…
Congratulations, you've discovered one of life's important secrets: if you want self respect, do something hard! Keep it up.
Doug & Charisse said…
I felt like you stole the words right out of my head in your "serious" paragraphs. That's exactly how I feel! Thank you for saying that and congratulations! That is soo cool.
Kylie said…
Amen sister! I totally get it. Sometimes watching Landon go through all the stages of grad school (which was one of my dreams back in the day) is really hard for me. I feel like some of his colleagues don't respect me and what I do because "I'm just a mom." But other times I watch how fast Walt is growing and I am so SO grateful for this time to just be with him. Other things will come. Way to go on finishing hard things!!

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