Thursday, April 30, 2009

Oh, I am not quite sleeping, oh, I am fast in bed

It's one of those nights where I want to do anything but sleep.


Sometimes I think, this happens cause I just dont dont want tomorrow to come. For whatever reason I just dont want another day to start. I don't actually feel like doing anything--I've exhausted everything interesting there is on the internet, and I dont feel like watching a movie or reading a book or doing anything....but I just dont dont want to sleep. We will see when the exhaustion overtakes me. But I might leave my laptop in the livingroom so that I dont become overcome with the temptation to blog about everything everything everything.

peace, love, insomnia,
Catherine

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

And today was a day just like any other

My hair is blue. And kind of awesome. Look!It's kind of very bright. But I kind of like it.
This is a chunk peeking out from under the back. I'm not very good at taking pictures of the back of my head...This is a chunk on the side.

Overall it's kind of blue/teal/green....and I like the chunks peeking out better than the huge chunk in the front. But it doesnt matter much, cause it'll be gone soon anyways!

I woke up at 9:30 today, even though I didnt have work til mid-afternoon. I liked it though; I was more awake and less sleepy than if I had woken up at 11. Lauren and I sat out for 2 hours today on a blanket in the grass in the sun and read books. Well, she read a book, and I attempted to...but spring makes me a little ADD...so I had to come inside to get a snack, and then to get my notebook to write in, and then I put my had up to block out the sun and realized it looked really cool so I had to take a picture...
This is what is looks like normal.This is what it looks like all cool.


Today was a nice day--hot at noon but perfect weather on my way home from work. There was a baby walking from her mom to her dad that I walked past, and she had little shoes on that squeaked while she walked. So she was toddling along, going "squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak." And it was probably the cutest thing I have ever ever seen.

I've been worrying a lot lately that I'll never really be self-sufficient, never really be able to graduate and get a full time job that I can support myself on. But I was thinking a lot today. I'm smart. I'm not brilliant, but I'm smart. I could work some desk job, somewhere, for the rest of my life, if I really really had to. If I dont get married and have kids and end up living on my own, I could get a job and support myself. It was really comforting to realize that I could do that if I needed to, cause I've really worried that maybe I couldnt...More of the question is whether or not I could find a career that I would really love. I don't have a lot of faith in my abilities to graduate and find a job that incorporates the things I've studied. I would love to translate, but I'm always scared that I wouldnt be good enough to....but maybe then the thing I need to work on is learning and studying enough that I feel really confident in my ability to speak German and to know how to say everything I want to say in it....


Yeah, I'm rambling. But that's really why I started this blog. Cause sometimes I need to write out what I'm thinking and feeling to get it better :) Thanks to any of you who actually read this ;)

peace, love, blue hair,
Catherine

Nothing seems to change, let alone you wont forget my name

That is the song that woke me up as my alarm this morning. So its stuck in my head.


I had this recurring dream/semi-nightmare last night, so I wanted to write about it before its gone.

I cant remember how it starts...but it always ends up that me and some people I care about go to the airport, and there is some information that some bad people want but we are hiding it from them, but they find two people that look alike and make one of them run off to make the security guards follow them and then the other guy sneaks on the plane (usually with guns and stuff) and the rest of us get on too. This time I had some hw/stuff to study that would potentially give us an advantage against the bad guys, so I had to hide it from them on the plane. They knew though, and the main bad guy showed up and was threatening me with a gun that he had concealed in his jacket. The interesting thing was that we were all at desks in a classroom though, and the plane just looked like a big classroom....anyways, then things shifted and we were all in this little dusky town/place, and the bad guys had the laptop that had the information that they werent supposed to have, but they were still trying to catch us for some reason. There was a part that was different than usual--some of my friends (and in this dream it was people I know in real life) all decided to sneak in to look at the laptop (but not steal it...I'm not sure why) and I tried to tell them not to but they did anyways. And then we all had to run, through some woods next to a chain link fence that led to this kind of wasteland where someone said this renegade member of our group had been hiding out for a long time. And then there was this monkey skull, attached to a chain with 2 other monkey skulls (but only the first one talked) and I had to carry them around for some reason. There were also projectors that were just sitting on the ground periodically along this chain link fence, projecting some movie onto a big screen, and we had stopped right in front of one without meaning to so then the bad guys could see our shadows and knew where we were. I bent down and cracked the projector in two, and then we ran...and then we were in a werehouse, and the monkey skull was talking to us, telling us how he had ended up like that, but then for some reason something happened to it and then I couldnt run and had to limp along.....and then we all bust out of doors to this creepy dark patio that had all these twisting pathways and puddles and we began to spread out and split up, and then I realized that they were going to come and pick us off one by one and it was going to get scary so I somehow woke myself up.

Anyways, this is really more for me than anything else but I wanted to record it before I forgot it....and if anyone happens to know any dream symbol stuff and what any of this means (cause I seriously think that our dreams mean things), comment and let me know :)



peace, love, weird talking monkey skulls,
Catherine

May your organs fail before your dreams fail you

Tonight Michele was over, and was telling us her list of things she wants to do before she is 25, one of which was dying her hair blue. This made me think of those good old days in senior year when I had blue and pink hair, and oh, how I began to long for those crazy hair colored days....well, the crazy hair, not so much the days. And then, I realized that I had blue kool-aid in my kitchen, and that google knows how to dye one's hair with kool-aid....

This was the result.


That wad of plastic wrap on my head is a chunk of hair right behind my bangs, kool-aid-ed blue. Its in plastic wrap (and not aluminum foil) so that I can sleep with it in tonight.

These are the other chunks.

It's just kool-aid, so it's only going to last a few days. I like the impermanence, actually. Less commitment, less to deal with if it looks bad. And it's all stuff I can hide under my hat at work if it looks awful :) And I haven't messed around with my hair in a long time, it seems. It always kind of feels like I get the itch to do something like this when I'm getting over a failed relationship though....probably something to do with the desire to feel like I've got control over something. Anyways, we'll save all that psychoanalysis for later. I'm gonna crash, but I'll wash this mess in the morning and post pictures of the awesomeness/carnage.

peace, love, whatever,
Catherine

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Let me assure you, every day is ice cream and chocolate cake

I am sitting on the couch. But half an hour ago, I was sitting on a blanket in the grass outside. Here is a very boring but awesome story.



Lauren, Matt and I decided to go outside. So we took books and blankets and I took my guitar, and I was a hippie for a little while and played some chords and songs and was generally too cool for school, but then I got bored and spacey and just sat there, UNTIL......I heard the magical sounds of an ice cream truck!!!! It came on the breeze, the enticing tune of "It's a small world after all" played on a loudspeaker. It was faint, and Matt and Lauren couldnt hear it, so they thought I was crazy. But I persisted....and made them listen....and they heard it too!!! It seemed to be coming closer, but we couldnt see it....and then it came up the street in our apartment complex! It stopped at the stop sign that intersects with the road we were sitting next to, and Lauren told me to wave at it, but I faltered....and it turned the other direction. I was very disappointed. We went back to our book readings and sun bathing, UNTIL.....it turned around the corner, coming back our way! I ran as fast as my short legs would take me across the street and into the apartment to grab my moneys so I could buy some icecream :) Lauren stalled the man so that I could run back out and pick something. The man (who was slightly less creepy than most ice cream truck drivers, but still kind of creepy all the same) said he had seen us when he had turned the other way and realized he had turned the wrong direction. I got a watermelon popsicle, which was awesome except that it was huge and it had "seeds" in it that were made of chocolate, which majorly clashed with the watermelon flavor...but other than that, it was fine :)

But here is a question. After matt and I bought our popsicles, the guy kind of waited, and it was awkward, and we kind of walked away...and then we wondered: are you supposed to tip the ice cream man? or was he just being creepy?

Monday, April 27, 2009

"Endlich verrückt"

[translation: finally crazy]

This is most definitely how I feel right now. But first, some background.

This quote is from a movie we watched in my German 202 class a few semesters back, about angels that are in East Berlin before the wall fell. Angels cannot be seen by humans, but can hear their thoughts and can comfort them with their presence. The movie begins in the view of the main character, Damiel (who is an angel), as he listens to the thoughts of various east Berliners. In the first few minutes he comes across a woman riding a bicycle with a baby on the back, thinking:

"Endlich verrückt,
endlich nicht mehr allein.
Endlich verrückt,
endlich erlöst.
Endlich verrückt,
endlich ruhig.
Endlich ein Narr,
endlich ein inneres Licht."

In English, roughly:

"Finally crazy,
finally no longer alone.
Finally crazy,
finally redeemed.
Finally crazy,
finally calm.
Finally a fool,
finally an inner light."

Like most poetry, I don't really get this, but I really really love it. I love the juxtaposition of the "verrückt" with the more positive qualities like peace and light. I've definitely reached the crazy, but maybe I can acheive those other, better things, too....

peace, love, whatever,
Catherine


[note: since this is in German I realize it'll be harder for most of you to relate to, but I really like and it and wanted to post it anyways....its more for me than for you...;D]


Her romantic mind...

This first post is just to explain the title of my blog--it's a quote from "Peter Pan," my favorite book everrrrr. It's about Mrs. Darling, Wendy's mother:

"Her romantic mind was like the tiny boxes, one within the other, that come from the puzzling East, however many you discover there is always one more." -Peter Pan, pg 7.


If you havent read Peter Pan, you need to. Go check out a copy, right now. I'm actually going to re-read it this week, I think....I'll probably alternatively read that and Anna Karenina. Sounds like a good balance to me :)

Speaking of this week, it's women's conference! So work this week will probably be kind of busy, seeing as all kinds of women love "healthy" smoothies. But, you know, it's money, which, despite my hatred for it, is occasionally necessary and even helpful to have.

The point was, I'm not working too many hours this week (or this term) and I'm not taking any classes so I'm going to have tons of time to play and read and crochet that blanket I'm working on. Juche!

Ok, that's all for now.

Peace, love, whatever,
Catherine