Insight

Being a new mom is HARD.  Nikolai is an excellent baby (pretty much only cries when he's hungry/messy) but there's something about suddenly being responsible for another human being's life that is exhausting. Every time he cries, I know it's up to ME to fix it, and in the middle of the night when I just want to go back to sleep, that's a hard pill to swallow.  

As I was doing my scripture study this week, I came across a verse that, because of my newfound life experiences, suddenly makes sense to me in a way it never could have before: 

But Zion said, The LORD hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.
Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. 

-Isaiah 49: 14-15

I've felt a little forsaken this past week.  Sleep deprivation is hard on everyone, but that plus post-pregnancy hormones and all of the other stresses that come with having a new baby (expenses, etc) have compounded to make me feel pretty crummy.  

And then I read these verses, and realized--I hear EVERY tiny noise Nikolai makes at night.  He grunts or snores or coughs and I hear it, my mommy senses on alert so that I'll wake up when he needs to be fed or changed.  The Lord, our Father in Heaven, cannot forget us because we are his children, and I can't help but wonder if He too lies awake at night (metaphorically) listening to our little murmurs and sniffles, waiting for us to cry out to Him for help.  

Regardless of the correctness of this metaphor, I know God hears our prayers to Him, and that He comes when we cry out for Him.  He granted me a small miracle last night, when after a really teary, exhausted day, sweet Nikolai slept for two 4 hour stretches so I was actually able to get a good night's sleep.  I don't expect it to happen every day yet, but I know it happened last night because the Lord was listening to my cries and knew I needed some sleep. I'm grateful for that small miracle, for the blessing of having my little son in my life, and for all of the ways the Lord has blessed us this past year (and indeed, throughout my whole life!). I know that the Lord does not forget us, even when it feels like He might not be listening.  He's there, He loves us, and He does and will take care of us. 

Comments

Albert said…
I'm really glad that you read that scripture. I was going to recommend that scripture to you because you are now a mother and you've been a bride. Both of those images are discussed in this chapter. I love you lots Catherine!
Kylie said…
Thanks for this. :) Also - Nikolai's alive! Yay! Great job, Momma. You're doing amazing things. And in 8 months, he'll be about to start crawling, and laughing at you and lighting up when you walk in the room. And it will be so. totally. worth it.
WoozleMom said…
Very well said, indeed.
Jill said…
GREAT insight. :) And don't worry - it does get easier. The first 3 weeks were really hard on me and then it started getting easier as we got into a groove and I got used to being a mom and meeting his needs. Just keep pushing on! I hope you are recovering well!
Alex and Family said…
Thank you SO much for these thoughts. :) Being a new mom was/is SO much harder than anyone could have prepared me for. The good news? It gets easier every month :D Hang in there girlfriend!! <3

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