Insight

Being a new mom is HARD.  Nikolai is an excellent baby (pretty much only cries when he's hungry/messy) but there's something about suddenly being responsible for another human being's life that is exhausting. Every time he cries, I know it's up to ME to fix it, and in the middle of the night when I just want to go back to sleep, that's a hard pill to swallow.  

As I was doing my scripture study this week, I came across a verse that, because of my newfound life experiences, suddenly makes sense to me in a way it never could have before: 

But Zion said, The LORD hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. 

-Isaiah 49: 14-15

I've felt a little forsaken this past week.  Sleep deprivation is hard on everyone, but that plus post-pregnancy hormones and all of the other stresses that come with having a new baby (expenses, etc) have compounded to make me feel pretty crummy.  

And then I read these verses, and realized--I hear EVERY tiny noise Nikolai makes at night.  He grunts or snores or coughs and I hear it, my mommy senses on alert so that I'll wake up when he needs to be fed or changed.  The Lord, our Father in Heaven, cannot forget us because we are his children, and I can't help but wonder if He too lies awake at night (metaphorically) listening to our little murmurs and sniffles, waiting for us to cry out to Him for help.  

Regardless of the correctness of this metaphor, I know God hears our prayers to Him, and that He comes when we cry out for Him.  He granted me a small miracle last night, when after a really teary, exhausted day, sweet Nikolai slept for two 4 hour stretches so I was actually able to get a good night's sleep.  I don't expect it to happen every day yet, but I know it happened last night because the Lord was listening to my cries and knew I needed some sleep. I'm grateful for that small miracle, for the blessing of having my little son in my life, and for all of the ways the Lord has blessed us this past year (and indeed, throughout my whole life!). I know that the Lord does not forget us, even when it feels like He might not be listening.  He's there, He loves us, and He does and will take care of us.